Room Talk: 8 Tips to Handle Problematic Roomates


I remembered when I was a freshman in collage and I had this roommate who constantly picks on me for no darn reason, talked bad about me without even knowing me for like 1 day, and whatever I do just displeased her, the fact that my whole existence bothered her so much she had me tortured mentally for good. My academics was nearly ruined, potential friends tried to avoid me because of her rumors about me and how awful a person I was, and I was all alone that time with no one to turn to. Those were nightmarish dark times, I know that feeling, its horrible and extremely sad. So here am I, sharing my personal experience of how to handle such roommates and how to gear yourself up for the emotional challenge.

#1. Be direct. Communicate In-person. Find out the Problems.

Its important to talk properly to each other about what's going on or what you dislike about each other. Only after identifying the problem, changes can be made. Its a bad idea to stay quiet while him/her are abusing you emotionally and you have not a slight idea why. Bottom line, instead of guessing what your roommate hates about you, approach courageously and ASK. 

#2. Keep Your Virtue and Temper

I know things can get tough for you and can affect you emotionally. Your temper may worsen and you might end up treating your roommate like how she/he treats you at the first place. But its all so so wrong. You shouldn't bring your good virtue down just because someone else treat you bad. Its all about maintaining your own morality and righteousness. It's ok they don't respect you at the beginning, but as long you keep your ethics, people are bound to realize your nobility and they will stop pestering you after that. Now this way might takes sometimes and if you aren't the most patient person, remember to mind your speech and also forget revenge. Don't be passive aggressive, stay optimistic and keep your temper. 

#3. Join Forces with Other Roommates.

If you aren't the only one getting picked on, you can always join forces with the other roommates who have the same problem as you do. You guys can think of ways to communicate with him/her, the more the braver to take actions. Or if no actions can be done, at least you know you have someone who understands your feelings, you are not alone.

#4. Diverting Your Attention Away from That Roommate

A very good way to not think about the problem is to stay as far as possible from that particular roommate. I mean why stick with someone who sulks at the sight of seeing you around. You want to get rid of those bad vibes and have as much good vibes as possible. Get a hobby outside the room, go to the study room, take up sports or something. Find something that works and can let you stay away from her/him, the further the better.

#5. Don't Keep the Problem All to Yourself, Ask for Help and Advice.

Keeping all the problems inside your heart can be painful sometimes, so have someone or something to confide to. You don't need to sob alone in the corner. Instead, talk to your parents, your siblings, your friends or your seniors. Tell them your problems and ask for advice. You can also ask help from the person-in-charge of the hostel (if you are in one) and tell them your problems and let them help you out, be it confronting your roommate for you or giving you emotional support. 

#6. Drawing the line.

I guess this is important because even the most patient person have their limits. Drawing the line make sure that he/she doesn't go too far to breaking you down. If he or she is verbally or physically abusing you, or treating you like shit for a very long time, then its time to STOP all these. Be it changing your roommates or moving out or just getting away from him/her as far as possible, its good to identify the moment when you REALLY CANNOT TAKE IT ANYMORE, so you know what to do next and it will save you from a lot of unnecessary emotional trauma. 

#7. Move and consider your options.

This shall be the last thing you can do, that is moving away. Change dorm rooms, or change your roommates, or just consider moving out of the campus when your roommates goes too far and crosses your line. I consider this the most effective way to get away from toxic roommate.

#8. Grow up and Forgive 

After your ordeal is over, its good to think back what you have learnt in the process. For me, I think I learnt how to handle difficult people as once I am out in the society, there are bound to be more problematic individuals like her. And this ordeal makes me grow up and face reality, that sometimes life just isn't a bed of roses, a little bit of bitterness is necessary sometimes to mature. Last but not least, forgiveness is the key to move on. If the person is your course mate or someone you will see on a daily basis, forgive makes the meeting less awkward. While you two might not have much to talk about, be acquaintances. Remember that the people we met is either there to be a blessing, or to give us a lesson. 

That's all from me. Signing off with love.

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